Feeling The Blues

Are you happy? 

That may seem like an innocent and easy question, doesn't it? But if you really think it over, are you?

It was that simple question that became the catalyst and changed the world in the book Fahrenheit 451 I studied for my Literature in English component for SPM last year.

I constantly ask myself that question. Sometimes, I feel that I'm on top of the world, that everything in my life is perfect and I'm at peace, but is that denial? They did say ignorance is bliss. There are also times that I feel like ending my life because everything sucks, nothing seems to go right nor the way I want it to be.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be happy and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be happy because it usually ends in disappointments. Whenever I do feel a sense of happiness, something bad happens and that little ray of sunshine vanishes. The people who are heartless and cold with no expectations usually don't feel sad because they don't let their guard down that easily. Sometimes I feel that the walls we built around our hearts and souls should not be broken down that easily because it means becoming vulnerable and giving people a chance to hurt you.

Pardon my thoughts, just feeling super down and emo lately thanks to my never ending mood swings. A bad habit I developed years ago is whenever I'm feeling this way, I like to overthink and possibly do everything that makes me even more sad, as well as making the situation worse and feeling worse.

Now, back to reality. I went for amali then my first driving class yesterday. Amali was well, BORING. I didn't listen to a word the guy was saying. He was the same guy that spoke during my undang class as well and I have to say he is funny, with his jokes and never ending crap talk lol. The fun part was the driving. I was so afraid at first but when I started driving it got so fun omg I was like literally grinning. The best part was the mountain thingy, you know when you have to stop on top then slowly slide down the hill? I was going "Wheeeeeeee!" then couldn't stop laughing and going again and again. Oh the thrill and excitement! I am really looking forward to my next class. :D My instructor's husband was the one that taught me how to drive and he is a really nice guy, very patient with me indeed. And well, sitting in the car with me driving is sortaaaa a very scary thing. Hahah. He was sweating and breathing heavily shouting "I KNOW YOU'RE NOT AFRAID BUT I AM!" It was his birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR! I hope you had the ride of your life. :)

Sorry I've been MIA for a few days. Been lazying around watching movies and stuff. I need to get my life together really, but I do enjoy this relaxing feeling especially after a hectic month of SPM. I'll try my best to stay active blogging, okay?

I'm holding tightly onto the things and people that make me happy.

Hoping they will not leave me. 

I'm an emotional wreck and I know it.

"Come to me, all of you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I'm gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light." - Matthew 11: 28-30